The Power of Belonging
This guest post is by Peter Bell, executive vice president for programs and services at Autism Speaks. Peter and his wife, Liz, reside in New Jersey with their three children. Their eldest son, Tyler, has autism.
When I was a college student back in the 80’s, a big part of my learning experience occurred outside the classroom. That’s because much of my time was spent participating in a fraternity. Yes, we had parties and enjoyed the camaraderie that comes with belonging to a brotherhood. But my involvement in the Greek system taught me a lot about leadership (I was an officer every year), community service (we held successful fundraisers for charities) and the importance of teamwork (our motto was “all for one, one for all”). To this day, the bonds I formed with those brothers have endured and they remain some of my closest friends.
When it became obvious that my son Tyler, who has autism, was not on a path towards college, I mourned the loss of an experience that had a profound impact on me during my formative years. Joining a fraternity helped shape me in many ways, equipped me with life lessons and afforded me friendships that would last a lifetime. If Tyler wasn’t destined for college and he didn’t have an opportunity to belong to something like a fraternity, how would this impact his future?
Thanks to the members of Theta Delta Chi Fraternity at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey, Tyler is now getting a chance to experience these benefits first-hand. For the past six weeks, Tyler, who turned 17 in January, has been participating in a pilot mentoring program that was created to offer a positive social experience for teenage boys with autism. The program is named BrosUniteD, or B.U.D., in recognition of the TDX motto “our hearts are united.” The concept involves pairing each participant (eight boys between the ages of 13-19) with up to three big brothers from the fraternity who are there to support, encourage and get to know them. Each week, the groups participate in a structured activity that allows for lots of fun, meaningful friendships and safety. Activities included bowling, ice skating, rock wall climbing, and hiking. The six-week pilot program took place on or near the Rutgers campus on Sunday afternoons. The program culminated last Sunday with a special ceremony featuring dinner, awards and a paddle presentation.
The benefits of the B.U.D. program were obvious from the start. The little bros immediately felt accepted and valued by their big bros. They got to practice their social skills without the fear of fitting in or being teased. The activities were fun and specifically designed to encourage meaningful interaction and the opportunity to bond. In some cases, like ice skating, the playing field was leveled and the little bros got to show off their talents and best their big bros! Some of the boys communicated their positive experiences with statements such as “I like going to Rutgers fraternity,” while others demonstrated their enthusiasm for the program through their actions and body language including lots of smiles and laughter.
Equally important were the benefits to the brothers of TDX. This chapter had previously participated in our central New Jersey Walk and successfully raised substantial money and awareness for Autism Speaks. However, the opportunity to have direct contact with these teenage boys with autism was an extremely rewarding experience for them. Before the program started, they went through a two-hour training session conducted by a local autism consultant and Autism Speaks representatives. They also got to witness autism in its many forms and learned about not only the challenges but also the extraordinary gifts and talents of each of these young men. As a result, some of the TDX guys are now interested in careers that involve autism.
One of the objectives of BrosUniteD was to develop a program that could be replicated to other TDX chapters across the country (currently, there are 29 chapters in the U.S.). With the number of teen boys with autism rapidly rising, there’s no question that there’s a significant need for positive male role models for this population. I want to personally thank the young men from Theta Delta Chi at Rutgers for their enthusiastic participation in this program and for caring enough to make B.U.D. such an incredible experience for Tyler (and his dad).
For more information about the program and to see photos of the activities, please visit the BrosUnited Fan Page on Facebook.
