In Their Own Words – Doing the Odd Job
This “In Their Own Words” essay was written by Rose Wade. Rose has two children, including a teenage son with autism. She is a military wife and the founder of The Robin Hood Lego Campaign Advocating Autism Awareness and Lego Therapy.
Summer is here. Officially, as the last day of school for my kids was on Thursday. I know a few moms whose kids have been out for two weeks already. And to think that our school district didn’t even have snow days to make up. Otherwise, I’d be poised at the door until July 1st, waiting for the first opportunity to toss the kids into the pool.
Ah, the pool. We have a new one. One of those ready-to-pop plastic deals with three colorful rings that have to be blown up. By mom. That pretty green of the plastic doesn’t make the job any more fun. But, we have to go with the temporary pool for now. We’re moving soon and I like to pack light. Given my husband’s propensity for shopping, I’m always recalculating the household capacity for storage. “No, hubby. Don’t buy something new until you get rid of something old first. And quit looking at me that way or I’ll start charging you for storage.”
Thankfully, my dear son, Matthew, managed to traverse our very full garage to find the pump we use on our camping gear. Matthew has yet again saved me a bit of work. “Mom, why is your face so red.” “All of my breath is inside the pool, dear. No, don’t…*sighs…step on it.”
A few minutes of the pump to the rescue and Matthew gets the biggest smile of satisfaction when he’s able to be helpful to someone. He’s also sure to make sure you know it. Matthew won’t hesitate to ask if I want to thank him for helping me. “Yes, darling. I always do. Thank you.”
The day is saved! Almost. The lawn needs to be cut before the pool can be filled with water, children, toys, and begin its rapid approach to untimely holes and quick patch jobs. “Pass the duct tape, please.”
Matthew has decided that he wants to learn to do ‘odd jobs’ so he can earn extra money during the summer. The older he gets, of course, the more he wants to be like his dad. Well, his dad is often away from us for deployments. Yes, it’s just me and the kids. And my son who has autism wants to be man of the house.
So, still flying high from ‘saving the day’, Matthew is confident and ready to tackle learning to use the lawn mower.
Well, my backyard is currently more of a jungle, thanks to frequent rainstorms and an uncooperative mower that allowed the grass free reign to grow to two feet high. And Matthew wants to mow it. It’s like me at 14 nagging my dad to teach me to drive. I didn’t care that there was a foot of Chicago snow on the ground. Not the best conditions, but try rationalizing that to a determined child.
But, I’m not one to squash my son’s enthusiasm. Especially when so few activities light up his eyes and hold his interest. Anything that involves actually venturing outside of the house is usually rock-bottom on his list.
With Matthew looking on eagerly, I went through the finer points of how the lawn mower works. Step-by-step. Fill the gas, check the oil, prime it, etc. It’s somewhat difficult to do since Matthew will ask a question while I’m in the middle of an explanation. I’ll have to redirect him and start over.
I found it takes a lot of thought to explain how and why the lawn mower works, what not to do, how to be cautious. All the while making certain he understands and without overloading him with information.
Nearing 13 years old, Matthew is almost a teenager. But autism renders his behavior and actions immature. I know how old Matthew is in years, but I see him approach a gas-guzzling, loud, bladed machine, and I see the innocence of a five-year-old child.
It’s funny to me that Matthew seems confident with the lawn mower itself. He’s a big kid. He gave the pull a half-hearted yank. “Matthew, you have to do it in one pull or it won’t start.” “But mom, I don’t want to break it.”
So, he’s not afraid of the mower. But he hates touching the grass. He thinks it’s gross. Instead of touching the grass, grabbing it and helping empty the bag into the bin, he tried to use the end of the rake. “No, Matthew. That won’t really work. It’s just grass. You can touch it.” I had to repeat and demonstrate five times before he would attempt it himself.
Matthew is in an odd stage, for me, I realize as I watch him tentatively push the mower over the grass. I have to applaud, encourage, and teach him, feed his enthusiasm. And I have to balance my caution of teaching a child to use a lawn mower with teaching a child with autism to use a lawn mower. All of this has to be done to nurture his firsts and his accomplishments, without reverting to the over-protective hovering mommy that I often have the urge to be.
Matthew has managed to mow a small section of the lawn. He’s excited to tell his dad about it during the next phone call. While writing this post, Matthew knows it’s about him. He reads over my shoulder. I asked him to hold off questions until after I’ve finished or else it’ll break my concentration. He began to pace back and forth. Then stopped. “Mom, can I go finish mowing the lawn?”
I know, a lot of parents would jump for joy to have their kids volunteer for the task. I’m sure once the novelty wears off and he’s had to mow the lawn a few times, he’ll start disappearing when it needs to be done. Or bemoan in full teenaged fashion and ask for a raise in his allowance.
We’re not there yet. I have a child with autism who needs a touch more guidance through his accomplishments. I’ll enjoy his enthusiasm while I can. For now, he’s actually outside, raking grass. As long as he doesn’t have to touch it.
The next accomplishments are already on the horizon.
“Mom, when I’m 14 are you going to teach me to drive your car?”
“Um, yes, but maybe not my car.”
“In Their Own Words” is a series within the Autism Speaks blog which shares the voices of people who have autism, as well as their loved ones. If you have a story you wish to share about your personal experience with autism, please send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Autism Speaks reserves the right to edit contributions for space, style and content. Because of the volume of submissions, not all can be published on the site.