In Their Own Words – I Want to Have a Party!
This “In Their Own Words” essay was submitted by Edwinna McHale, who has a son with autism.
My son asked a question today! But, you might ask, why is that such a big deal? Every three year old asks questions, don’t they? They just drive you nuts with questions, don’t they?
Of course they do, but my child is 13. Never before today had he asked a question just to get information. Not, at least, without a monumental amount of effort, prompting and scripting. Today, as we were repeatedly circling the parking lot trying to find a space close enough to the clinic door, with the irritation that can only be a boy of 13 who has lost patience, he asked me “Why are we driving around in circles?”
And now I want to have a party! When you walk the autism road, you celebrate the smallest accomplishments. Sometimes, they are the only kind of accomplishments you have to celebrate.
Tommy learned early on, how to ask questions to get things he wants – like asking for food. But, most three-year-olds start to look for information. Why do things work this way? Who is that person? Where are they going? When will we get there? What are you doing? Until today, the only spontaneous questions my son has ever asked was when he wants something. “Mom, may I have a Diet Coke, please?” “Mom, can we go to McDonald’s, please?” But never, before today, has he asked a question in order to obtain information. And never before today, has he actually listened to any answer more complex than “Yes” or “No.”
When he was four, I wondered if I ever would hear him tell me “I love you, Mommy.” I never did. When he was six, I would say, “I love you, Tommy.” And he would answer “Me, too.” But it was not until about three years ago, that he spontaneously said “I love you, Mom” for the first time in his life. He was already too old to be willing to call me ‘Mommy” but he could, at long last, tell me that he loves me! I wanted to have a party then, too.
We wanted to have a party when he was five and got dressed by himself for the first time. When he was six and a half and was able to pick out a complete outfit for school the next day. When he was eight, and he could tell me “My tummy feels sick.” Such small things, really. Most parents take them for granted. It’s just a natural part of growing up, and all kids do it, right?
But for a child with autism, even learning how to look at a friend, smile, and say “Hi!” is a process that can take years. And suddenly, one day, without any warning, HE DOES IT! And we want to celebrate. People ask me why such small things warrant a celebration. I tell them that they will never know how hard it was to get here, but the fact that the journey was hard is reason enough to celebrate when we get here.
I am thankful that my child has taught me to appreciate and celebrate the small victories, and to truly understand how monumental those small victories really are.
So, my son asked a question today, and I want to have a PARTY!
“In Their Own Words” is a series within the Autism Speaks blog which shares the voices of people who have autism, as well as their loved ones. If you have a story you wish to share about your personal experience with autism, please send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Autism Speaks reserves the right to edit contributions for space, style and content. Because of the volume of submissions, not all can be published on the site.