In Their Own Words – Ten Things That I Wish You Would Accept, No Questions Asked
This “In Their Own Words” essay is written by Lydia Wayman. Lydia is a 22 year old who “resides somewhere on the autism spectrum.” Her three favorite things are her service cat, Elsie, her best friend and her mom. She recently wrote and published a book, “Interview with Autism,” for parents and caregivers about life on the autism spectrum.
I started blogging almost exactly a year ago as a way to process my circumstances better, as I always process better in writing, and hopefully as a way to demystify autism to parents and caregivers of those on the spectrum. I realized long ago that some people seem to have a knack for handling my quirks, while others … don’t. This list, “Ten Things That I Wish You Would Accept, No Questions Asked,” arose from considering the things that the most positive people in my life have always done, while also thinking about what some not-so-positive people consistently do that causes a problem. I can’t speak to the truth of these statements for everyone on the spectrum, but I am guessing that there are many commonalities amongst us when it comes to these matters.
1. I can be surprisingly good at one thing (say, remembering conversations precisely as they happened many years after the fact) and surprisingly bad at another thing that you might think should be so much easier (like keeping track of receipts or remembering the procedure for filling a prescription).
2. Just because I have the words to type it does not mean that I have the words to say it.
3. I really do hate to melt down, especially in public. If there were another way out, I would always take it.
4. I never play stupid. If I ask a question or say I don’t get it, it means I don’t get it. Please don’t make me feel dumber by saying that I’m faking it, just because it seems straightforward.
5. What may be slightly bothersome to you, like the waistband on a pair of pants, can cause me to be a witch all day … or at least until I change clothes. If I’m crabby, it’s because something is physically uncomfortable in the sensory realm of things. Until that thing changes, I will continue to be crabby.
6. I can’t control my excitement over cats. So if you mention cats or point out a cat, realize that I’m going to get excited. Let me enjoy it. A little happiness never hurt anyone, eh?
7. I am often completely unaware of self-injurious behaviors. I scratch, hit, bite, and pick often, and much more frequently when I’m agitated for some reason. In the moment, I don’t know that I’m doing it; if made aware, it’s so compulsive that I almost physically can’t stop myself. But using my head, obviously I don’t like the results of it.
8. I am exactly the same person inside regardless of how engaged (or disengaged) I am with the environment and others in it. Yes, you might have to change some things based on how I’m reacting in that moment, but please continue to treat me like the same person that I am.
9. Engagement and happiness do not depend on one another! I can be just as happy off in my own world as I am fully engaged with you. However, a lot depends on you, here. If I’m disengaged and you’re forcing me to “act normal,” then no, I don’t feel very happy. If you’re interacting with me in a way that I can in that moment, then I can be as happy as I’ve ever been.
10. While autism does mean that I am absorbed within myself (aut means self, after all), that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you around. If you can come to me, rather than forcing me out of my world to come to you, then I’d love to let you in. There’s a whole world in here; maybe you should check it out.
“In Their Own Words” is a series within the Autism Speaks blog which shares the voices of people who have autism, as well as their loved ones. If you have a story you wish to share about your personal experience with autism, please send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Autism Speaks reserves the right to edit contributions for space, style and content. Because of the volume of submissions, not all can be published on the site.