Home > In Their Own Words > In Their Own Words – My Prayer

In Their Own Words – My Prayer

This “In Their Own Words” is by Karen Weaver. Karen is the mother of three sons, two of which have Asperger Syndrome. To read more visit her blog, “Confessions of an Asperger’s Mom.”

I am throwing my hands up to this thing called Aspergers today.  I don’t know what else to do but pray for my children, especially my 15 year-old son Red.

Today I am praying for his mind to be opened to new possibilities.

I am praying for love, acceptance and understanding from his peers.

I am praying for the day when he will find a special friends or group of friends who will be there for him and accept him just as he is. I know they’re out there.

I am praying that he will listen and hear when others are trying to help him -that he won’t be so locked into his own thought process that he can’t let new insights seep through and actually help him to change his life for the better. I realize that I can not do this for him, as much as I want to.  He has to do this for himself.

I am praying for guidance to advocate for him, to put the right supports in place for him, to parent him in the most loving and honorable way.

I pray for PATIENCE.  I need a large dose of that.

I pray that those who are employed to support him will do their jobs to the best of their ability, that they will not let him fall through the cracks. That they will see the possibilities in him. That they will assist me in teaching him self-responsibility and that they will do so in a loving way.

I pray that he will not give in to depression and self-loathing.

I pray that he will make it through this day, this week, this year having grown, learned and matured.  That he will head into his future being everything that he can be.

I pray that he will grow up to be a positive contribution to society -that he will be confident and able to take care of himself and be a responsible adult.

I hope you will pray with me.  If you don’t believe in prayer -that you will meditate and send positive thoughts our way.

I have a tall order here -and we need all the help we can get.

“In Their Own Words” is a series within the Autism Speaks blog which shares the voices of people who have autism, as well as their loved ones. If you have a story you wish to share about your personal experience with autism, please send it to editors@autismspeaks.org. Autism Speaks reserves the right to edit contributions for space, style and content. Because of the volume of submissions, not all can be published on the site.

  1. Liz Brown
    January 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    You have just described my son. I have 7 y/o triplet boys. One was diagnosed with autism at 3 1/2 y/o. I have requested an eval for another one of my sons for aspergers. He sounds so much like your 15 y/o. I pray the same prayers for my son. Thank you for sharing and being so open.

  2. January 6, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Ms. Weaver,

    Thank you for taking the time from your busy day to share your excellent prayer with others. To show my APPRECIATION, I am replying so you will know I AM joining you in sending this prayer directly to God in my own prayers.

    Bless you for being a strong, faithful, loving mom to your children! They ARE blessed with YOU!!

    STAY SAFE!!!

    Diana Johnson

  3. Becky
    January 6, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    I type this comment as I fight back tears. I have just read someone else’s words but it’s as if I wrote them myself. My prayers for my 10 year old with Asperger’s are exactly the same. I want so much to provide the right path for him, but he has to walk down that path himself, which is so difficult for me to do sometimes. Patience, oh I so pray for patience for myself and others. Give these kids a chance, you will see something wonderful and amazing.

    • Wendy
      February 6, 2011 at 4:21 pm

      Hi, this is my first time reading this blog, my aunt refered it to me. I felt just exactly as you do reading this. I’m replying to your blog because I too have a 10 year old son who has no one but me. His father denies he has a disorder, his siblings are embarrassed by “who he is”.
      I live in a very small town, I pulled my son, and all his siblings with him, out of a private school 3 years ago after he became suicidal. I found out after getting him counseling and questioning some parents and other students, that he was being hit and teased terribly by not just fellow students, but the teachers as well. I did not press charges because my family did not want me to “tarnish” our family name.
      He’s been through thousands of dollars worth of counseling, and I’ve come to the conclusion that my son has a disorder, and that’s not going to change, and unfortunately counseling my son won’t change the way the world treats him.
      He’s at a new school now, and they have a “no bullying” policy which is strictly enforced. It doesn’t however, change that he’s not accepted. He never gets invited to birthday parties, and when we go to our older kids’ games, he’s chasing people around trying to get them to play with him and nobody will. It tears my heart apart to watch this. I also see the way other parents look at him, and I see them whispering to each other while they watch him. I hate them, I don’t want to, but I hate them. I have no friends at that school. I sit alone and talk to noone.
      I’ve been trying for 3 years to find a support group for Aspie kids in my area, there is nothing. I have noone to talk to but my best friend, and although she tries so hard to empathize, her 10 year old is “normal” so she just doesn’t get it.
      Anyway, I’m sorry this is so long, but I just wanted you to know that I feel good knowing that I’m not alone.

      • February 7, 2011 at 11:17 pm

        Wendy -your story just breaks my heart. It’s the reason however that I write my blog. The world need to come to know and understand our children. They should be embraced and respected. Schools should not only “not tolerate” bullying, but they should have programs to support tolerance and acceptance of peers who are different. Please keep reading my blog and others so that you have a support system.

  4. January 6, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Thank you so much for this post. I needed to hear it today. I’ve been feeling this same way for the past few days with my son transitioning back into school and changing homework schedules around, and he’s almost seven. You’ve written my thoughts.

    • January 6, 2011 at 12:57 pm

      Oh, and I’d like to share your post, if you don’t mind.

  5. Angela Ferreira
    January 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    I’ll pray for you, me and all the other mother’s who are doing their best to help navigate these asperger waters……you are not alone.

  6. January 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    We will pray with you. Our son was diagnosed with high functioning autism just before Christmas. Great gift, huh? Actually, I guess it was. Knowing the truth in our hearts but not having access to help was incredibly frustrating. So yeah. We pray a lot. These days, more than ever before. It would be our honor to pray for your family and everyone else in this amazing community that we are getting to know.

    • Liz Brown
      January 6, 2011 at 4:49 pm

      Ashley, sometimes it feels like the hardest thing in the world but there is great comfort in knowledge. As the years go by there will be tears and frustrations but you will get to experience things you never could without autism. One of my signs has mild to moderate autism and I found that to be true as time goes by. If I can help, even if you just need to vent, let me know.

      • lorena gomez
        January 7, 2011 at 5:03 am

        HELLO KAREN. I ALSO AS I READ YOUR PRAYER I FIGHT BACK TEARS.KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT YOU GO THROUGH EVERY SECOND,MINUTE IN EVERY DAY.PRAYING THAT OUR KIDS FIND COMFORT,FRIENDS THAT GUIDE THEM THROUGH THE RIGHT PATH.OUR CHILDREN WITH AUTISM ARE A CHALLENGE EVERYDAY IN LIFE. I KNOW THAT, I GO THROUGH IT WITH MY SON WHO IS 7 YRS OLD WITH AUTISM.I GO THROUGH LOTS OF GRIEVING ESPECIALLY WHEN MY SON WITH HIS SQUEAKY VOICE AND TEARS COMING DOWN HIS CHEEKS. TELLS ME DONT WORRY! EVERYTHING IS OKAY? YOU GOT ME? I TELL HIM ITS OKAY PAPA’S I GOT YOU DONT WORRY MY SON JACOB HAS HIS DAYS WHERE HE IS UPSET ALL DAY AND WONDER IF ALL KIDS WITH AUTISM GO THROUGH THAT OR ??? WELL I HOPE I CAN GET TO HEAR OTHER PARENTS RESPONSE OR ADVISE THAT CAN HELP ME IN ANY WAY

  7. Kelli
    January 6, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    Thank You for sharing. Some days, like today, I don’t feel like I can possibly handle it – it is SO not fair my Son has to suffer with this affliction, and the ramifications. Most days, I am just so incredibly proud of my very capable Son.

  8. Sylviane Rough
    January 7, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Karen, I joined you in your prayer. My son is 16 and Asperger. He has been blessed with a very suporting school district Arlington in dutchess county NY who recognized the need for a special program since 1st grade. who gave him the help he needed and the suport he needed.he is now in 11 th grade “regular classes” and he has been also blessed with groups of friends who are always helping as he helps them too. i believe that education is the key . because these kids and teachers have been explained what autism and asperger is they are very good with the kids. Hang in there, lots of love.

  9. Tami
    January 7, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    What wonderful words to run across as I struggle with my 19 year old college freshman who didn’t have all the supports in place to correctly help him and just failed 2 out of 5 classes. He then receives an email for academic dismissal late yesterday. We now are forced to appeal and have him go through this emotional trauma

  10. Krista
    January 7, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    My prayers sound the same as yours. Most days are so very frustrating and I always feel a sense of being defeated in getting thru to him. But every once in awhile, it may be weeks later, I realize he did listen, he picked up on something I was trying to teach him. His slow process is his own and in his own time all our children with Asperger’s will reach their potential with our continued prayers and love that only a Mother can give. It is so wonderful to hear these words and know that there are so many other Moms that go through the same feelings we do every day. None of us are alone, we all share the ups and downs of Asperger’s. God Bless to our children and to the parents that raise them.

  11. Arlene Negron
    January 7, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Thank you for publishing the same prayer I have also had for the last 11 years. I too hate that I cannot keep my 15 year old from digressing into his own head. I too wish for someone out ther to realize the honro it would be to call him friend. I pray for the woman who will appreciate the value of his loving heart and continue to raise him up as a husband and man.

    I pray with you!!!

  12. Torie
    January 7, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    WOW, I am speechless. Every prayer you just typed, was like every prayer I have said for both of my chiildren. How autism has bonded us all, complete strangers with the same thoughts and prayers. God bless you and your family and thank you for sharing.

  13. Elizabeth
    January 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    I have a 15-yr old son also who sounds very much like your son, and today I too feel so overwhelmed. Thank you for your prayer to encourage me once again.

  14. January 7, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Thank you all so much for reading and joining me in my prayer. Although every child with autism is different, we all share a similar journey. Thank God for Autism Speaks and the supportive community of blogging. It’s so wonderful to share thoughts, feelings and experiences with others who know and understand what we are going through. No matter how much reading or therapy we go through, we are always on the quest to make life better for our children who are on the spectrum. Though sharing our experiences we can learn from one another.

    Please keep reading my blog and others out there. There is a wealth of information and best of all fellowship.

    • belinda gordon
      January 12, 2011 at 2:37 pm

      Traci as i read your response to karen’s eloquent essay I once again thought there again is someone speaking my thoughts, writing my words who’s son has left footprints that my son is stepping in. My son is an only child & in the last yr his friends are even fewer & I am struggling with what to do in just a few yrs he heads off to middle school. because I see the road of which you walk. and though my son is in a great school yet I am presently having a piling on of unmet needs via the public school system & it too may also happen in private I don’tknow but your thoughts pro & con about homeschool & private are my own & yur words have been helpful

  15. belinda gordon
    January 7, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    I stopped to pray for Red & you but before I closed my eyes to pray for you I too felt though (my son is 9)I must have written that prayer. because I certainly have prayed it for us. thank you and the many other moms that repsonded because each & everyone one of you let me know no matter what I may feel from time to time I am not alone. you all give me courage & help to renew my strength.

  16. Lyn
    January 8, 2011 at 12:42 am

    Karen, God bless you!
    I don’t have anything to add that has not been said here, but hopefully I can add some encouragement. As a praying mom, when I read your prayer, I was reminded of so many things for which to be thankful. My son with Asperger’s is 23. We still walk this road, but we have come through to the other side of so many of the things you are experiencing now. Take heart. Your prayers are heard and your children will be blessed!

  17. trisha
    January 8, 2011 at 3:21 am

    wonderful words.. I have two sons, my oldest with aspergers out there in the world and has had sooo many challenges it sometimes breaks my heart to peices.my younger son,I call my baby, though he’s 19 has autism and muscular dystrophy,I feel he has more challenges with the autism. Both my sons cannot understand the world as it really is and they both need so much understanding. I hope there will be enough help for them when I am gone someday, well thanks to you all who care.

  18. January 8, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    My prayers have always been for children with autism that God works in them. I have a grandsone that has autisim and it breaks my heart that I don’t know how to help him. He has wonderful parents who are patient, loving and give all to him, his name is Jacob and my prayers are always that he can communicate with us and let us know what is happenning with him. I know some people do not believe in miracles, but God still works, we must remember that we need to be patient Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God, He is still in control. God bless all those families that have to go thru this, but with God on our side, who can be against us. Love and blessings.

  19. Joanne Vargas
    January 8, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Beautifully put. I’m sending out my prayers to you and your family and our society as a whole. I am not a parent of a person on the spectrum. I am an educator, not a teacher….a learner. I love the work that I do and I am taught each day something new. I am blessed to work in this field and I strive to NEVER let anyone of my students/clients/friends fall through those cracks. Keep up the faith in your son, Red, he is worth it. Thank you for sharing and inspiring.

    • January 9, 2011 at 3:33 pm

      Thank you Joanne,

      We need more educators like you. We have been blessed with some great teachers and of course some not so good. My son Blue will be presenting at our school district’s teachers training this year. He will talk to them about what teachers can do to help students with autism in the classroom. He did it last year and they loved it! he was in 5th grade at the time. I was so proud of him!

      I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Bless you for the work that you do.

  20. Tracy White
    January 9, 2011 at 4:33 am

    I will pray for you and Red and your family.
    My son with Asperger’s is now 13. He is doing well, but for the first time has expressed that he is lonely. I have three younger children, a home full of people, joy, noise, laughter, frustration, tears. Even with all the people around him, he longs for a person his age to connect with. He has friends who are aquaintances at school and at Boy Scouts. He is a great public speaker and makes good eye contact. I am so proud of him. Although he wants close friends, he looks around at his choices and says, I don’t want to text or play computer games all day like “they” do. He also doesn’t want any part of the silly and sometimes rude humor or neurotypical boys his age. He is lonely. He wants to change the world. He wants to make a difference and do something meaningful and worthwhile. I am so proud of him. I am also worried because he is lonely. I am worried about depression. I once heard that if “our kids” can make it, unscathed through adolescence, they make GREAT adults! They are original thinkers and problem solvers. How boring if everyone was the same! We are all blessed with kids who think differently and come up with things that we might not ever think about! Our world will be a much better place because of “our kids”! My job is to support my son, encourage him, place him in situations that he is likely to have success, gain confidence,… I pray that he will be able to hold a job as an adult. I pray that he can be responsible to follow through with what is expected of him, even if he doesn’t want to. I pray that he will someday be able to tie his shoes, straighten his shirt, notice that his hair needs combing. I know he is brilliant and a good student. He gets good grades, but can he find the extra toilet paper in the house? My son doesn’t get upset anymore when we drive home a different way. He no longer cries when I comb his hair and he will now walk barefoot on the sand at the beach. He has grown so much. He now uses his words when he is unhappy with something: he no longer hides under the coat rack at school when he is faced with a difficult situation. Our kids can learn how to cope in our society. They will continue to learn what they need to in order to adjust and cope with the demands of our society. We all just need to find whatever support WE need in order to help them. My child would have fallen through the cracks at our public school. At four years old, the “evaluation team” at our local school district commented that my son was the brightest child they had ever tested, but since he did not need speech therapy, they could not pay for the OT that he needed to learn how to write. I have been so frustrated because some of these kids are not really “special needs” kids, they just need a little extra support. But, in our public system, there is no “extra support” for them. Because there was nothing that our public school could offer my son, we kept him in a private Montessori School and he has thrived! A small school setting with a “community” of familiar faces year to year has been wonderful for him. He loves school and that is what is really important! I have considered home-schooling, but I know he really needs the social contact of the world. We are coming to a cross roads soon, a decision for high school. I am very concerned about making a good choice for him. For us, the decision is not just for him, but for our entire family. Small, private schools are far away (lots of commute time) and I have 3 younger children to consider. The local public high schools are large. Probably not a great fit for my son. I have considered home-schooling my son, but I think he needs to be in a more social environment. At this point we are not sure how to proceed.
    Anyway, back to the point of your lovely essay. I know there are many parents who can relate to what you are going through and the prayers that you have for your child. I think any of us who have a child with Asperger’s can relate to your situation. Thank you for writing a beautiful piece about your hopes, concerns and dreams for your child. We will pray for you and Red. I hope that we can all find the time to pray for each other.
    I send you the most heartfelt thoughts of good wishes and prayers for you and Red and your family.

    • January 9, 2011 at 3:26 pm

      Tracy,

      Your 13 year old son sounds a lot like my soon to be 12 year-old son. Such a deep thinker, a good student, sees a lot of boys his age as immature and luckily at this point -wants nothing to do with girls (at least as girlfriends). I am so confident that he will grow up and make the world a better place. He thinks totally out of the box and is socially conscious.

      Red -is deeply into himself and his own thought process and thinks that everyone else should live in his world instead of him living in the world as it really is. I worry much more about him. He is very good right now at video editing, and is into movie making. I just pray that he can focus and that his executive functioning won’t get in the way of his success.

      I thank you for reading and for your prayers. I will include you in mine as well.

      Karen Weaver

  21. Marilyn Bosworth
    January 9, 2011 at 5:53 am

    Thank you for sharing your prayer. I am giving it to my pastor at chuch whose grandson has been recently diagnosed. My asperger son just turned 30 this week. I continue to pray for him. He has grown in many ways and continues. He has a girlfriend and for the time being, he appears really happy. His life is not conventional. I am also a grandparent of two children on the spectrum and work as an SLP with kids on the spectrum. The new stuff out there is amazing. If you have not, go to Social Thinking and read some of Michelle Garcia Winners blogs. She is fab. Happy NY> Marilyn

  22. January 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Thank you to all of you who are praying with us and for us. I hope that you will continue to follow our journey. I have days when I am not feeling so benevolent -when I want to run and hide, or scream to the top of my voice. One thing that never changes is that I am their advocate, their mom and their biggest fan!

  23. Kara
    January 13, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    I needed this today…Thanks for writing so well!

  24. January 13, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    Thank you for your courage. I especially needed this prayer today. Our children are so special. They are little angels that long for affection, loves, honesty, attention, friends.

  25. susan
    April 25, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    iam thanking God for seeing this site…its so wonderful to see pareents same situation..my Boy Ryan 4 years old has PDDnos..autsim…i want pray with all of you that God keep him close to him !!i pray for my boy so that i can understand him…so that her sister can understand him..its been difficult for my baby gal!!!!iam praying for all the children of autism!in Jesus nme I pray Amen

  1. January 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm
  2. January 9, 2011 at 5:48 am

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