I Wish

This post is by Luau, who writes at Run Luau Run. He is the father of two beautiful daughters, Katie and Brooke. Brooke has autism. You can read the original post of, ‘I Wish,’ here.

After my run this morning, like any obsessed runner I went over to the computer, before showering, to upload my run data.  As my stats wirelessly uploaded from my new toy (the Garmin 610), I manually entered my run into dailymile and then meandered over to Facebook to see what my far-flung friends were up to.  I can across some pictures of a dear friend who had recently taken a trip with her family to North Carolina.  Though we have not seen each other in what has to be over a decade, I have always felt a certain closeness to her and her husband.  Simply put, they are good people.

As I scanned through her album, I got lost in the joy and apparent ease their children and her husband’s brother’s children had with each other.  It seemed so…easy.  I have to admit that there is a part of me that is jealous of what they have.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade Brooke for anything, and quite honestly, if someone walked up to me right now and offered me a pill that would “cure” her autism, I’m not sure what it is I would do.  That being said, I wish it was easier for her.  I wish that social interaction and connection were not something that she just doesn’t quite get.  I wish that Katie didn’t have to feel embarrassed when Brooke made awkward social bids.  I wish that I didn’t have the mindset that I have to anticipate some of those awkward bids and feel the need to cut them off at the pass.  I wish, I wish, I wish…

Everybody has issues.  Everybody has problems.  I listen to the local moms complain about this and that.  Some of them feel silly to me, but the truth is, their problems are real to them.  Everybody has issues.  Everybody has problems.

Ours are just different.

I just sometimes wish they weren’t.

  1. November 23, 2011 at 9:12 am

    The above has reminded me that when I was asked a few years ago, if there was a ‘cure’ for autism, would I like my son, Howard, to have it? I replied that I would not because if his autism was ‘cured’ he would not be Howard any more.

  2. Heidi
    November 23, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Love, love, love your attitude. Brooke (and children on the spectrum) is here to help all of us. I believe they are here to teach us to slow down, to stop and listen and allow us to feel–even if it’s only 1/10 of what she feels. She is here to help others learn acceptance, tolerance and patience.

    I applaud you for embracing her autism and sharing your positive approach with others!

  3. Oma
    November 23, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Thank you for sharing this. I hear you! And God bless you for being a great dad!

  4. Barbara P
    November 23, 2011 at 9:40 am

    I have the same wish. But i would definetly take the pill for a cure. I hate to see him struggle so much with school, friends and social stuff. Im always jealous of everyone without a special needs child. I wish our life was more normal and we could do more things with out meltdowns. Even if we do venture out to do things we are always strapped with worring about if he is ok or what is he getting into. It isn’t easy.

  5. November 23, 2011 at 11:43 am

    My youngest son was diagnosed three years ago with Autism/ADHD and a friend introduced me to a natural product made primarily from milk.
    I used this product and saw results in two months. Today my son shows no signs of Autism/Adhd, he is doing great in school and takes the initiative to do everything, truly a turnaround from the way he used to be. After the production of this milk it is the closest to mother’s milk because of the science and medical studies done, and it is recognized by many Doctors today, if anyone is interested in finding out more about this, please email me at asha.persaud@gmail.com. Thank you. There is hope for your kid(s).

  6. Sheila
    November 23, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    No question in my mind I would take the pill and I wouldn’t give it a second thought. At all. Happy Thanksgiving Luau to you and the whole family:)

  7. BreeAnn D.
    November 23, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    My wish would be for my son to be able to enjoy the world with out fear, and with out so much frustration. I don’t wish him to be different, I love who he is, but I do wish that I was able to give him more comfort than I am able too, and I wish that his sisters did not have to sacrifice as much as they do. That being said, our lives are what make us who we are and we love each other a lot and each of of us being who we are is what makes our family ours.

  8. Kristen
    November 23, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    I am not sure what I would do either….we have a son that was diagnosed recently after 10 years of being incorrectly diagnosed. He is now the real live verson of our son…to say the least. We spent years being told that it was seizure disorder & ADHD that were never properly diagnosed until just 3 months ago when they actually found the Autism and said it had been there yet missed since he was 3 years old. All these years on medications he didn’t need and never a personality. Now he is our child….we have found it difficult to handle the changes and get used to all that goes along with this diagnosis…after being taken off all the meds, we are really seeing more and more of the Autism. I also have 2 older children that have issues with him…the embarrasment, finding a way to deal with him without causing a meltdown, it is hard…..but on the other hand, I wouldn’t change it for the world…….my only wish, is that I would have known of it when he was 3 instead of now….it may have made all the difference in his & our world (he is delayed mentally by 4 yrs & educationally by 4-5 grade levels) as we aren’t sure if this is from the Autism or the medications he was on for so long….it will be a long road. I have found that dealing with him now (as told by a friend of mine with an ASD child) is like live TV, you never know what will happen next and how true that is……Bless you all & remember our children are a special gift from God, no matter what anyone tells us!!! :)

  9. DELORIS WILLIAMS AND TYSHAUN WILLIAMS
    November 23, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    I HAVE ALOT OF TIME TO THINK ABOUT HOW I GOT TO THIS PLACE. THERE ARE SO MANY REASONS WHY I’M HERE. BEFORE THE STORM I WAS FREE, RELAXED, ENTERTAINED AND FREE TO MOVE AROUND AND EXPLORE FREEDOM. MY DAUGHTERS AND THEIRS KIDS WERE FINE. PHONE CALLS AND VISITS WERE MANY. THEN HERE COMES THE STORM. MY OLDEST DAUGHTER WAS KILLED IN A CAR CRASH IN 2008. 3 MONTHS BEFORE HER PASSING, HER NEW-BORN BABY BOY LOST HIS FIGHT FOR LIFE IN 2 DAYS. AND NOW HERE WE ARE….HER OLDEST SON TYSHAUN, NOW 9 YRS OLD, WITH NON-VERBAL AUTISM HAS FILLED MY HEART AND HANDS. I STRUGGLE SOMETIMES, WONDERING HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO PROVIDE CONTINUOUS CARE, LOVE AND PATIENCE WHEN MY HEALTH IS FAILING. IM DOING THIS ALL ALONE, SO THERE IS NO TIME FOR ME. SLEEPLESSNESS, FATIGUE, LACK OF EXERCISE BRINGS ME TO THE REALIZATION THAT IM AFRAID TO LET HIM OUT OF MY SITE. IM 48 YRS OLD, FEELING LIKE IM TWICE THAT AGE, BUT IM GRANDMA. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT HAS TO BE DONE. I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE A FAILURE, WHEN I CAN’T PROVIDE CERTAIN THINGS FOR HIM. BIRTHDAYS, CHRISTMAS….I FEEL BAD. SOMETIMES I SIT AND WATCH HIM AND WONDER, HOW I WOULD LIKE TO BE JUST LIKE HIM. (IS THAT SELFISH?) GRANNY LOVES GRANNY MAN…….I MISS MY DAUGHTER AND MY WISH IS FOR STRENGTH

  10. Sarah Conley
    November 24, 2011 at 7:55 am

    So well put, Luau….you speak on behalf of many parents such as me….I don’t know if I would accept the “cure pill” either — but I just wish things were easier for my 2 kids—socially. Thanks as always for your wonderful insight that allows me to be able to identify and put things into perspective!

  11. Rick
    November 24, 2011 at 11:36 am

    I feel exactly the same. I wish it could be different. But that’s ok. Love my daughter with all my heart.

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