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In Their Own Words – Through My Eyes

June 24, 2010 103 comments

We recently received the following e-mail and poem submission:
Hello. My name is Cassie Madison. I am 15 years old and I have PDD-NOS. As a child, it was very difficult for me to interact socially with other children. I wrote a poem about a day in kindergarten, as seen below. I decided to read it for my high school’s Poetry Day a few days ago. When I read it, I had no idea what would happen. Many students were actually crying because of what I wrote. Teachers and students alike have been coming up to me for the past week telling me how my poem touched them. I thought I would share it with you, because I want the world to know what it was like to be a child with autism. Though we may be different, we are still living, breathing humans. Though we may have difficulty expressing them, we still feel the same emotions as everyone else.

Through my eyes,
behind the long bangs,
I see the children playing.
I want to play with them.
But they don’t want me to.
A boy chases a girl around the room,
shrieking with laughter.
Girls play house in the corner next to the blocks.
To my right the children sit
with rag dolls on their laps,
styling their yarn hair
and dressing their flopping bodies.
Me?
I stand awkwardly in the back of the room,
watching everyone play happily
with a sense of envy, thinking,
I will never be normal like them.
I am the child nobody wants to play with,
the silent girl who can’t look anyone in the eye.
I am outcast.
Through my eyes I see the world,
but can the world truly see me?
Am I no more than a blip in the scenery,
another smudge of grey
on the paint-covered canvas of life?
I am more than what meets the eye.
I am more than the awkward child sitting silently by herself.
I can write stories about magical characters
that leap off the pages when read.
I can do math at a level higher than anyone in the class.
I can read chapter books,
I can sing songs;
I can be a person, too.
But what does this matter
in the eyes of a kindergartner?
To them, I am Different.
But through my eyes, they’re all just the same.

This “In Their Own Words” poem was written by Cassie Madison, a 15 year old who has PDD-NOS.

“In Their Own Words” is a series within the Autism Speaks blog which shares the voices of people who have autism, as well as their loved ones. If you have a story you wish to share about your personal experience with autism, please send it to editors@autismspeaks.org. Autism Speaks reserves the right to edit contributions for space, style and content. Because of the volume of submissions, not all can be published on the site.

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