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In Their Own Words – Hope Found in the Light

September 23, 2011 6 comments

This post is by Tara Washburn, an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome. She says, ‘I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at age 28. I have spent the last 5 years coming to understand where I am now and what was happening inside of myself when I was a moderate-low functioning child. This is Autism from my perspective – Autism from the inside out.’ Visit Tara’s Blog, ‘Hearts that Feel‘ for more.

Autistic individuals are often put into a spectrum. This spectrum is an indicator showing how well your loved ones are able to adapt in society. I also have a spectrum, but it has a different meaning.

Everyone is on my spectrum. There are many that are on the low end of your spectrum that are on the highest end of mine. There are many who are successful (according to the world) who use manipulative means to make circumstances suit them. These people are on the low end of my spectrum. My spectrum measures function in lies or truth. It measures from despotic darkness to liberating light.

I do not pretend to be, or comprehend, the light. But I’d like to share my understanding of it and how it relates to individuals that are placed on your spectrum.

The light of truth is blinding when we are not used to seeing it. For example, imagine that you are outside on a dark night and suddenly a brilliant flash of lightning streaks across the sky. Initially you flinch and are filled with both fear and wonderment. So much is determined in that flash of light. Either you cling to the fear of the lightning, so brilliant, powerful and scary, or you cling to the wonderment, so new and somehow enticing.

Likewise, in the end, we either choose the fear that leads to hatred and suffering, or we choose the courage that leads to love and healing. There is no other path, really. All choices ultimately end in either place: we cling to the darkness or we embrace the light.

There are several ways that the world can harm to your loved ones. There are selfish people who take advantage of others, evil people who molest and make afraid, misguided people who unintentionally harm, clumsy and careless people who maim by mistake. Yet, focusing on situations that bring harm, and the individuals responsible, will not bring light to those who are seeking it. It may “take down” one more institution or individual, but it will not stop the abuse, lies, greed and corruption at the heart of the matter. If you fight them using their own weapons, you lose. Period. You cannot experience a victory for light using darkness.

I have often seen homes that cling to fear – the pain and anguish never seem to vanish out of their lives. I have seen homes that embrace truth – the healing and light seem to permeate not only those who live there, but all who enter. When I enter this kind of home I leave feeling as though I am in Heaven for a moment. I have seen other children on the “spectrum” who are likewise affected.

If you truly want to help your child, forgive those whom you feel have wronged your precious one, no matter the motive and reason. Forgive, love and you will see your child light up. The next time he begins to rock and cover his ears, running from darkness, look inside, find light and show him that there is a safe space in you.

In Their Own Words – Ten Things That I Wish You Would Accept, No Questions Asked

July 30, 2010 47 comments

This “In Their Own Words” essay is written by Lydia Wayman. Lydia is a 22 year old who “resides somewhere on the autism spectrum.”  Her three favorite things are her service cat, Elsie, her best friend and her mom. She recently wrote and published a book, “Interview with Autism,” for parents and caregivers about life on the autism spectrum.

I started blogging almost exactly a year ago as a way to process my circumstances better, as I always process better in writing, and hopefully as a way to demystify autism to parents and caregivers of those on the spectrum. I realized long ago that some people seem to have a knack for handling my quirks, while others … don’t.  This list, “Ten Things That I Wish You Would Accept, No Questions Asked,” arose from considering the things that the most positive people in my life have always done, while also thinking about what some not-so-positive people consistently do that causes a problem. I can’t speak to the truth of these statements for everyone on the spectrum, but I am guessing that there are many commonalities amongst us when it comes to these matters.

1. I can be surprisingly good at one thing (say, remembering conversations precisely as they happened many years after the fact) and surprisingly bad at another thing that you might think should be so much easier (like keeping track of receipts or remembering the procedure for filling a prescription).

2. Just because I have the words to type it does not mean that I have the words to say it.

3. I really do hate to melt down, especially in public. If there were another way out, I would always take it.

4. I never play stupid. If I ask a question or say I don’t get it, it means I don’t get it. Please don’t make me feel dumber by saying that I’m faking it, just because it seems straightforward.

5. What may be slightly bothersome to you, like the waistband on a pair of pants, can cause me to be a witch all day … or at least until I change clothes. If I’m crabby, it’s because something is physically uncomfortable in the sensory realm of things. Until that thing changes, I will continue to be crabby.

6. I can’t control my excitement over cats. So if you mention cats or point out a cat, realize that I’m going to get excited. Let me enjoy it. A little happiness never hurt anyone, eh?

7. I am often completely unaware of self-injurious behaviors. I scratch, hit, bite, and pick often, and much more frequently when I’m agitated for some reason. In the moment, I don’t know that I’m doing it; if made aware, it’s so compulsive that I almost physically can’t stop myself. But using my head, obviously I don’t like the results of it.

8. I am exactly the same person inside regardless of how engaged (or disengaged) I am with the environment and others in it. Yes, you might have to change some things based on how I’m reacting in that moment, but please continue to treat me like the same person that I am.

9. Engagement and happiness do not depend on one another! I can be just as happy off in my own world as I am fully engaged with you. However, a lot depends on you, here. If I’m disengaged and you’re forcing me to “act normal,” then no, I don’t feel very happy. If you’re interacting with me in a way that I can in that moment, then I can be as happy as I’ve ever been.

10. While autism does mean that I am absorbed within myself (aut means self, after all), that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you around. If you can come to me, rather than forcing me out of my world to come to you, then I’d love to let you in. There’s a whole world in here; maybe you should check it out.

“In Their Own Words” is a series within the Autism Speaks blog which shares the voices of people who have autism, as well as their loved ones. If you have a story you wish to share about your personal experience with autism, please send it to editors@autismspeaks.org. Autism Speaks reserves the right to edit contributions for space, style and content. Because of the volume of submissions, not all can be published on the site.

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In Their Own Words – The Spectrum

July 13, 2010 4 comments

This “In Their Own Words” is written by Lou Tecpanecatl. Lou has a four-year-old son named Diego, who was diagnosed with PDD-NOS  in August of 2008.

From the time we received my son’s diagnosis in 2008 I have spent quite a bit of time reading about and researching autism. One of the first things I learned was that this is a spectrum disorder which affects each individual in a different way.  This also means that people on the spectrum have a wide range of abilities and many excel in their particular area of interest.
In our case I see how remarkable our son’s memory is and how aware he can be of his surroundings at any given time.  He just turned four and while we are unable to hold a conversation with him, his spontaneous speech is picking up and he will request certain items throughout the day. In many ways our boy is just like other typically developing four year olds, becoming a little more independent as he gets older.

This brings me to the point I wanted to make on the idea of spectrums. Aren’t we all on a spectrum of some sort and not just individuals affected by autism? I have strengths and weaknesses just like anyone else and everyone has a unique set of talents. Once we start going to school we are graded on our performance and we all end up at different levels academically. Once we enter the workforce there are those that earn quite a bit money in their careers, there are some who earn very little, and many of us end up somewhere in the middle of the financial spectrum.  The challenges that individuals with autism and their families face can be difficult, frustrating, and at times daunting.  However, I feel that as a society we should really try and celebrate the many different contributions that we all make to this world.  Instead of ostracizing groups of people for perceived differences we should embrace them. We are all part of one giant spectrum with many different abilities, beliefs, and customs. As a father to a child with autism I think it is important for others who are not really aware of the disorder to try and look through the diagnosis.  My advice to them is to try and focus on the person and not just a behavior that may be seem odd or inappropriate. We want the best for our children and most of all we want them to be accepted by their peers.  Whatever abilities a person has, he can find a way to contribute in a positive way that can enrich his life.  We all learn at different rates, and we speak many different languages, and just because at this point in time my son is unable to carry on a conversation it does not mean he is unable to communicate with his family. He just does it differently than most.

“In Their Own Words” is a series within the Autism Speaks blog which shares the voices of people who have autism, as well as their loved ones. If you have a story you wish to share about your personal experience with autism, please send it to editors@autismspeaks.org. Autism Speaks reserves the right to edit contributions for space, style and content. Because of the volume of submissions, not all can be published on the site.


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