This post is by Rob, the creator and author of the “Lost and Tired” blog and founder of Android4Autism. He is also the 33 year old father of 3 boys on the autism spectrum. Gavin is 11, Elliott is 5 and Emmett John is 3. He has been with his amazing wife Lizze for10 years and married for the past 8. You can read his, ‘Thank you for judging me…..’ post here.
If you were to walk into my house at any given time, you would find many things. Among them, the floor covered with toys and the kitchen with a sink full of dirty dishes. If you ventured into the basement you would see a mountain of dirty laundry patiently waiting to be washed. Look around some more and you would find unmade beds, stacks of unpaid bills and even some shut off notices. Some people would look at this and judging me, say that this is a reflection of me as a parent or my ability to take care of my family.
To those people, I say thank you.
Why in the world would I thank someone for saying something like that? The answer is both simple and complex all at the same time. While under different circumstances I would be insulted, hurt or even angered by those judgmental and thoughtless comments. However, I have 3 boys on the autism spectrum and a wife with chronic and often times disabling health issues.
They require ALL of my time and energy. I’m always taking the kids to therapy or to and from school. Working on language skills and even learning and teaching ASL. I make sure they are fed and clothed and as many of their unique sensory needs are met as possible. I deal with meltdowns, nightmares, sleepless nights and I must ensure everyones safety.
I need have priorities and these things are at the very top of the list. That means everything and everyone else will take a back burner.
So when you walk into my house, see the disaster and think that it’s a reflection of me or go so far as to judge me as a parent, I say thank you. I say thank you because it means I’m doing my job. It means my priorities are in the right place. Make no mistake, I would LOVE to have a clean house and be able to pay my bills. However, raising 3 autistic boys is all consuming, especially when one parent has chronic health issues.
There is only so much time in the day and only so much of me to go around. Choices have to be made. If I have to choose between a clean house, perfect credit and my kids, I will pick my kids every single time.
So thank you.
Thank you for judging me.
Thank you for showing for me that I’m doing the right thing.
Thank you for reinforcing that my priorities are in the right place.
Thank you for pointing out that everything that doesn’t really matter in life is still there waiting for my attention because it means those that do, are getting everything I have.